Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. -Romans 3:3-5
If we rejoice when something good happens, that's what's to be expected. I can almost hear "even the pagans do that" in my head. But we extend ourselves and challenge ourselves when we remain in joy in the midst of challenges. And I think it's significant that we have this word: joy. Happiness is so fleeting. Happiness is caused by something, but to me joy runs much deeper... it is a way of being. Moments of suffering- great or small- seem to take over our hearts and our minds. When we lose a loved one, when we are experiencing great struggles, when we are disillusioned, when we are stressed and feeling doubtful, when we feel lost or afraid, it is always easy to say that we will come out of this stronger... but it is so hard to do.
What sometimes helps me is to think back upon a time of suffering that I thought I'd never come out of. What most easily comes to mind right now is my struggles with anorexia. The world looked so dark, and I for some irrational reason felt like the only thing that mattered every day was that I lose weight. If I lost a pound, it was a good day. If I didn't, it was an awful day filled with more and more exercise. And the worst of it all, while society would like me to believe the promise that I would feel fulfilled and beautiful and extremely happy, I was so deeply sad and unsatisfied. I remember a morning when I just didn't want to get out of bed, because I couldn't see anything good waiting for me. (I had gotten to a point where it was so hard to lose any weight, and I was fighting against my body so hard every day.) And when I think of how I've come out of that, I know it was God carrying me so many times- providing encouragement through friends and through his word. Slowly but surely (persevering), I would see God in invitations to a meal or a word from a friend or things that I read. And I now have hope that whatever comes my way, it'll be alright. My Father is watching over me and the Holy Spirit is here with me to help me out of such dark moments and keep me in His light.
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. -Proverbs 16:3
Moments of decisions are very hard for me, because for some reason decisions have never just been about what Katie wants. I've felt God's hand guiding me in a very real way throughout my whole life. And that just makes it harder in some ways. I've loved those moments of being in His service, and so I want to listen and know His leading for my life. But right now I'm faced with many options and praying for the patience to know where God wants me next... and promising to commit my next step to God, wherever and whatever that is.
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. -2 Corinthians 6:4-10
People really don't understand BVS (Brethren Volunteer Service) and others like it. You can't know it until you've experienced it, really. People will say strange things like, "That's a good thing to do." Or "that's so nice of you." They don't understand that really the volunteer is the one that is so blessed by the whole experience. My years in BVS were not to be pitied or honored. It was a beautiful moment in my life where I received so much more than I could give. Being poor, my life was so enriched. Possessing nothing, I possessed everything.
Service is amazing. You have to be it to believe it. And I long to live my life continuing to serve, knowing that those are the moments I have felt closest to God and the most fulfilled. It was not easy, not at all. There were many challenges- moments I felt so faint and so far from home. But, all of it together was worth everything.
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