"I Am Weak!"

Humility
Jeremiah 47:1-48:47

"We have heard that the people of Moab are proud, very proud. They are proud, very proud, and in their hearts they think they are important." (Jeremiah 48:29)

Oooh, the harsh gossip about those people of Moab- those proud, very proud people. Nowadays, the gossip might go something like this, "She really thinks she's something special" or "He's so stuck up." However you put it, pride (though prevalent in our culture) is still not a characteristic we aspire to embody. This is certainly an idea emphasized by the influence of pietism in the Church of the Brethren. My father would often hesitate to say, "I'm so proud of you," noting that pride is not an admirable trait. Rather "if I must boast, I will boast in the things that show my weakness." (2 Corinthians 11:30) Thank you, God, for using my weaknesses to show your power, for it is only through You that I can do all things.

Need
Psalm 119:113-120

"Help me, and I will be saved. I will always respect your demands." (Psalm 119:117)

Another familiar Psalm puts it this way: "I lift my eyes up to the hills- where does my help come from?" (Psalm 121:1) Or as the Beatles might sing... "All you need is God... dum da dumdadum." I think sometimes I'm guilty of forgetting how completely dependent I am upon God, how desparately I need the Lord in every aspect of my life. First, I would have no hope of saving myself from my sin without the Lord's saving grace. And furthermore, I would not be able to feel this abundant joy. Lord, may I always live mindful of my dependency on Your saving grace.

Strength
2 Timothy 4:9-22

"But the Lord stayed with me and gave me strength..." (2 Timothy 4:17)

Anorexia is an issue surrounded by deep layers of shame to say the least. Personally, I reached a point where after seeking to control everything so completely, I felt utterly helpless... and I thank God every day that with the help of family and friends I turned back to Him. Without You, oh Lord, I don't even know if I would be here.

The craziest thing is that while I was torturing myself by literally "running on empty" (many many miles a day), I would pray "May I walk and not grow weary, run and not faint." Fainting was something that happened more and more frequently the more severely I "limited my food intake." Yet somehow, I feel that this small way of reaching out to God kept me within God's reach... helped me to remember that God is so much stronger than an eating disorder.

Though I sometimes slip back into old habits, I'm stronger now... only through the strength that God has given me. Lord, I cannot even put into words my gratitude for staying with me. You stayed with me an gave me strength when I turned to you, crying for help.