While it's great to have a God to thank and praise, as we should do every day, I'm also thankful that I worship a God who understands. This is a God who came to Earth for us and lived life here... even "weeping" as the familiar verse describes. So, my God knows what it is to feel these very human emotions- the good along with the not so good, shame, sadness, doubt/fear. As expressed in so many verses, stories and psalms, we are welcomed to present those very real feelings before the Lord. I believe He wants us to be real, because He already knows, after all.
Times of Shame
Joshua 5:2-6:27
"Then the Lord said to Joshua, 'As slaves in Egypt you were ashamed, but today I have removed the shame.'" (Joshua 5:9)
Sometimes I'm frustrated by Christians who can't "be real." They feel they need to act "good two shoes," as if they do and say nothing wrong, they never have any struggles or any problems, they never make any mistakes. I think maybe that's why some people have problems dealing with Christians, because they only ever get to meet this facade, a very superficial level of the person. But I don't feel it should be this way. God's love and value and acceptance of us is so all-encompassing that we don't have to be ashamed of all our faults, our sins, our mistakes. Jesus has removed our shame. That's the amazing and miraculous blessing of Easter! Jesus came to free us from the binding of these sins. In a way, recognizing our sins openly and moving past those sins seems the perfect way to appreciate Jesus' unspeakable gift. Only then can we recognize that we truly needed that sacrifice and appreciate and accept the fact that we really are made shameless by Jesus.
Times of Sadness
Psalm 42:5-11
"Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God, and keep praising him, my Savior and my God. I am very sad... Troubles have come again and again, sounding like waterfalls. You waves are crashing all around me. The Lord shows his true love every day. At night I have a song, and I pray to my living God. I say to God, my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why am I so sad and troubled by my enemies?' My enemies' insults make me feel as if my bones were broken. They are always saying, 'Where is your God?' Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 42:5-11)
What a beautiful Psalm. Some people may think I'm crazy for that, but it is really beautiful. Just as a piece of poetry, it's beautiful. But also because it feels so real. Who can't relate to a moment when they felt "so sad," "so upset"? Sometimes it seems without any real legitimate cause or reason. There is a theory that thinking certain thoughts creates pathways in the brain that make us more susceptible to think those thoughts over and over again. From this comes the theory of positive self-talk or "self-thought" (don't know if that's a word, maybe I just coined it). That's why people have positive encouraging poems or songs or words or phrases that they say, in order to re-route those negative thoughts and lead them instead down different paths. Still, the Psalmist is very real and open about his current emotions while at the same time recognizing what it would be helpful to think and feel.
Times of Doubt/Fear
Luke 9:18-36
"Jesus said to all of them, 'If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing to give up their lives daily to follow me. Those who want to save their lives will give up true life. But those who give up their lives for me will have true life. It is worthless to have the whole world if they themselves are destroyed or lost." (Luke 9:23-25)
I suppose this is the one that I'm struggling with most recently. And it is really challenging... the trick is to let it affect us. Listen with fresh ears, read it with new eyes and recognize what it is really asking us to do. While at Bethany I really felt challenged: Ok, Katie... now put your life where your mouth is. If you want this, you know what this means. You know what it means to follow me- put all other things aside... goals, plans, travel. Even if it means not earning a lot of money, even if it means not being sure where you'll end up, are you ready for this- are you ready to lose your life? Lord, I keep praying for Your guidance, knowing that when the time is right You will clarify all those questions for me. When the time is right You will make all of this known to me, and I will clearly see Your will for my life... able to faithfully follow you- losing my own life and plans and goals and dreams in return for much much greater ones.
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