The Almost.. Yet... Testimony

This morning I'm struck especially by Psalm 73, the whole psalm. It's a story that I'm familiar with, and I wonder if we're all familiar with it. The most surprising things is that it doesn't talk about an evident failure but an 'almost' failure, and a hidden failure at that. This struggle is inward, not outward, and those are the struggles that we often don't write psalms about. Those are the struggles that we often sweep under the rug. And this Psalm has at least two distinct parts as I would see it: 1) the 'almost' confession and 2) the 'yet' resolution

Almost

1Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.(Psalm 73:1-2)

It's interesting that we have an 'almost' confession when we all struggle so many times to make actual confessions. Additionally, this is a mere confession of envy, to which we all succumb sometimes. If not envy, then some other equally hidden sinful desire.

And I have to say that I today feel as if I almost slipped. There is still so much pain in me. It is so tempting not to forgive, to hold a bitter and resentful attitude about all the pain that has befallen me. But that type of attitude suggests 'payback', and that would be similar to the image of holding a bowling ball over one's head. Why would I want to do it when I could put it down... and throw it down the lane where I don't have to look at it anymore and might get a strike in the process. In the process I could learn something, I could practice what Jesus taught us, I could see so many beautiful blessings.

9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.

14 All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you. (Psalm 73:9, 14, 21-22)

And though Asaph recognizes his 'almost' wrongdoing, he still does not refrain from recounting parts of the difficult story. He talks about 'those' people that he envied and why (9), then he talks of his frustration with the pain and hurt that it has caused him (14), and then he recognizes his feelings (21) but also the err of his ways (22).

Though I'm no psychologists, I believe this is a very healthy Psalm. The Brazilian guys chose to go to a workshop on forgiveness at National Youth Conference, and there the pastor talked about envisioning forgiveness as a spiral that has a straight line through it. He said forgiveness is a process in which you move closer to the line (forgiveness) then you move farther away, then you move back, and at the end you are in the center. To me, that made a lot of sense. Even when we've forgiven, the pain comes back and we work through it again and come back to our forgiveness.

This Psalm isn't exactly about forgiveness, but we do see Asaph here recounting the hurt that he has experienced and the evil of the people who have caused him pain. Yes, he has confessed his sin, but it still hurts and still merits a recounting. I have taken to opening word documents and writing letters which I promptly delete, just to get out the feelings that aren't at the heart of the decision I have made to love. Asaph has made a decision to confess his envy and not return to it, so I wonder if he is doing just that... writing it out to get it out and remind himself that he was senseless and arrogant and will not succumb to it any longer.


Yet

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds. (Psalm 73:23-28)

And after Asaph has 'gotten it out' and confessed his mistep, he comes to the beautiful 'yet.' There is a 'yet' in this sad story. And the 'yet' is from God. In spite of all the hurt and all of the struggles, we come to a 'yet' that allows us to let go. A 'yet' that reminds us that in spite of our sin and flawed reactions and responses, "God is always with us and holds us by the right hand." Though we may fail, "God is the strength" not just of our physical body, but of our inward struggles and our "heart". And Asaph shows us how we will come out of the bitterness and fall into Jesus and the renewed Spirit that He can give us... "it is good to be near God."

And so we confess, we get out our frustration, we go near to God our refuge... where we will feel peace and forgiveness and hope. And after that, why wouldn't we tell of ALL that He has done for us?!