For Better AND For Worse

This year I jump into learning all sorts of lessons about this new adventure called marriage. And my first lesson, I take from Job, who understood that you can't take just the good and not the unfortunate from God. Neither can we take only the best from our jobs, our family, our friends, our spouses. We take it all. That's why those infamous words "for better or for worse" have a place in the wedding ceremony. However, I believe the conjunction represents flawed placements. It is not for better OR for worse. It is for better AND for worse. In every part of our lives, we experience the better (emotional highs when we get that prized promotion) and the worse (losing a job or not getting a hoped-for sale). So we don't take either/or. We take both/and.


A Lesson from Job

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart. [c]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised." (Job 1: 20-21)

10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish [e] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10)

Job's struggles were quite extreme (death, illness, etc), so we often forget that his example can provide practical implications for us in the lesser trials of life... the smaller things. If Job could see the good despite his very difficult troubles, then why can't we still accept the trouble and the good from God in our difficulties? We did come from our mother's womb naked. So everything, all around us is a blessing. When we come across a trouble, we need to remember that's just one tiny part of the whole.

In the context of marriage, it may help to remember that 'we came from our mother's womb single'. It sounds funny, but it's true. All the blessings of living your life with your best friend, memories, smiles, shared laughter and wonderful times together. Shall we accept the good from our [friend, spouse, job], and not the trouble?

The more you love someone, it seems the more possible it seems to be disappointed. It matter so much what that other person says/thinks/decides, especially when they are suddenly 'one with you.' Brad and I had decided to be announced as O'Donnell Christoffersen and change our last names so we could keep the names that we have established in our respective academic fields and share a common name together, as a new creations and part of each other's families. However, after thinking through things again, Brad is not comfortable with a formal name change. And yes, it hurts. Yes, I wish that it would be different. Yes, I wish it wouldn't have changed again... after we had decided it together and been formally announced. Yes, it is a 'trouble'... a small one. But, compared to all the wonderful good in living with the love of my life, it's a small thing. I love Brad, for better and for worse. Like I told Brad last night, some might not understand, but I made a vow to consider his interests above my own... and I take that very seriously.


A Lesson from Moses

35"This is the same Moses whom they had rejected with the words, 'Who made you ruler and judge?' He was sent to be their ruler and deliverer by God himself, through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. 36He led them out of Egypt and did wonders and miraculous signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea[d] and for forty years in the desert. (Acts 7:35-36)

Similarly, when Moses said something disagreeable, he wasn't favored. People rejected him and rejected what he said, "Who made you ruler and judge?" It's easy to take only what you want. (Think about the kids who 'cherry pick' the M & M's out of the trail mix!) But love (and marriage) doesn't work like that. Read through 1 Corinthians again and you see that love is so much more... love is complete. And one of my favorite Shakespearean quotes puts it this way, "Love alters not when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove. It is an ever fixed mark... Live's not time's fool." Love is a constant... a short word that expands to fill the time and cover all types of difficult words and circumstances.

If even Moses said some things that upset his people, won't the one's we love say things that upset us? But Moses did miracles, Moses took His people out of Egypt, Moses saw God in the burning bush. So it is with those we love. Sometimes we 'can't see the forest for the tree' or we 'can't see our husband/wife/friend/co-worker for the mistake'. But let's remember who they are, the good times together... put them on the scale and remember that this is the one who was there to nurse you back to health, to comfort you, to reassure you, to make you smile and laugh, to commit their friendship and love and support for you. If we had them on the scale, the better would outweigh the worse. Though they are both there, we need to keep it in perspective and thank God-

Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will return...

In the meantime, God has given me sooooo many good and perfect gifts,

may the Lord's name be praised.