A Cure for Conflict

Brad and I have gone about preparing for the arrival of our new little baby girl in many ways; the very last way being nursery decorating.  (This has been fun, but has earned it's rightful place at the bottom of the to-do list.)


Since we've found out we're pregnant, we began some of the more important preparations- those which are often given very little attention.  So since October, we've been reading through a book entitled "Becoming parents: Strengthening your marriage as your family grows".  Such an extreme (and sudden!) change as becoming parents (24/7) overnight can be a challenge not only individually, but also a challenge to a married couple.  This book has helped us review important strategies for dealing with conflict- strategies both for talking about conflict effectively (like the speaker-listener approach), things to avoid (escalation, projection) and problem solving together (brainstorming, creating a plan, trying it out).  


However, importantly, this book doesn't pretend that after reading it you'll never have difficulties or marital conflict with a new baby.  Instead, it provides some helpful tools for dealing with conflict.


Whether it's a new baby in the family, a meeting a church, or problems at the workplace, so often we look for a 'cure for conflict'.  Sometimes conflict is purposeful and helpful, when dealt with productively.  But 2 Timothy gives us some guidelines:


²³ Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. ²⁴ And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. ²⁵ Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth... (2 Timothy 2:23-24)


We are instructed first to avoid foolish conflict.  For instance, sometimes conflict may come out of frustration, exhaustion, sadness.  In such instances, it's important to wait until you are able to deal with conflict in a healthy way.  And verses 24-25 remind us to be gentle, patient and humble when dealing with conflict.


I believe that the key to a healthy marriage, friendship, church, etc, is not avoiding conflict but learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way.  It is in this way that we 'make peace', remembering 'the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace' (James 3:18).