Love as the Alternative to Arrogance

Yesterday, I read 1 Corinthians 8, Paul's response to the question of whether Christians were allowed to eat the food which had been sacrificed to idols.  His answer (familiar to many) is that there is no logical reason why you can't eat that food (knowing that there is one true God), but that we need to be sensitive in what we do so that our actions are not a "stumbling block" for others.  The context is so far away, the situation so foreign to us.  But the wisdom in the first verses of this chapter is so important to our lives; it is this wisdom that makes the scriptures holy and important to us today.  "Your word, Lord, is eternal" (Psalm 119:89).  

These wise words are as follows:

"We know that 'We all possess knowledge.'  But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.  Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know.  But whoever loves God is known by God." (1 Corinthians 8:1-3).

At first as I read this chapter, it did feel very distant from me.  But as I read through a second time and sat with the scriptures, the wisdom started to sink in.  In fact, the other day I was reading about the art of felting.  The book warned tight knitters that in order to felt, you must leave space between your stitches.  I believe the same is true for devotions, both scripture reading and prayer.  If we rush through our readings or prayers, we don't open ourselves up to the power of the Spirit to enter in.  Leaving space (mental, emotional, time) allows the Spirit to 'felt' the scriptures and prayers, working in and through that space to make something beautiful and meaningful and to create that change we want to see in our lives.  I know it's difficult.  But I've found that when it's especially difficult for me to find the time is the time I need it most.  And do know that God will be faithful, if you only ask.  He can work wonders with just a little space and just a little time... as long as you are giving that over fully to the Lord.

Well, in the small space I managed to squeeze out yesterday, those first 3 verses really started to jump out at me.  "That's it!" I thought.  "That's the key!"  Paul had it so right.  The context and specific question are really quite obscure, but that wisdom is wisdom to last through all generations.  "Knowledge puffs up" speaks about 'arrogance' but love "builds up" speaks to the encouragement of a loving response.  Hmmm... that's something we can all relate to in so many contexts and in so many ways.  I'm sure we've all been on both sides of that age-old story many times.

For instance, just yesterday as I was riding my bike to campus in the blazing hot afternoon sun, I saw a young college student bike right past me.  This kid without his shirt on, sidling past with his bike and his too-cool-for-school look.  I right away had my own assumptions of who this kid was, and who he thought I was... "What is this old lady doing, biking at a snail's pace?  She'd make it to campus faster on a turtle!"  When we pulled up to the red light at Grant, I was surprised.  The kid turned to me, water bottle in hand and asked, "Do you want some water?"  Wow!  There it was!  No judgment, no knowledge, no advice.  Just love.  I politely declined as I had some in my bag and was a little nervous about getting a side stitch if I chugged some water in my present half-dead, thankful-for-the-red-light-break state.  But I was also thankful to God for this amazing gift, an opportunity to really see what Paul meant in this scripture.  

I doubt I'll run into this kid again.  And if I do, I doubt I'll recognize him.  (Yes, I was that exhausted!)  But, I will continue to think about the gift that this encounter offered me... an opportunity to see Paul's wisdom in action.  In ever small, short interaction every day, we have two options.  We can offer arrogance or love.  An arrogance response is one where we know all the answer, even though Paul clues us in to the fact that we do not know as we ought (2).  Do any of these sound familiar?- (Why don't you____?  You can't do that!   I thought she ______!  Why didn't he ______?)  A loving response is an understanding response- as Paul goes on to describe, this response is sensitive to where people are, and respects their own stories.  

I feel that we encounter this all over in today's society.  The example that comes to mind, unsurprisingly, is motherhood.  Knowledge about how to put a baby to bed, how to feed a baby, how to discipline kids, how to get them to sit still or be calm... it's all well and good, but it can easily be 'arrogance' which 'puffs up'.  Instead, we should each recognize that there are so many complex layers of information and individual stories beneath each one of people's choices... we must remember that we do not "know" (2).  For instance, a mom who gives her kid tons of sugar might be responding to a childhood without any sweets.  A mother who gives her child no sugar might be hoping to avail her child of some food related issues she suffered.  In a similar way, I saw the too-cool-for-school kid yesterday and wondered why he was biking in the middle of the day.  We might assume he made it a late night the previous night partying, but he might've been working a morning shift to get through college.  

There are so many stories that we cannot possibly know... and that we will never know if we answer with a "puffed up" and arrogant response.  Instead, every day in every moment, we have the option to choose the second - to respond in love, with a sip of cool water and understanding.

What's your story?

Upon encountering someone new, we often ask in one way or another, "What's your story?"  But I believe that even familiar people are always telling us their story.  We are too, in one way or another.  

And reading Psalm 107-108 today reminded me that I far too seldom tell the stories (even the little everyday ones) which speak of God's goodness.  Psalm 107 goes through a series of telling stories of God rescuing His people, starting out with "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever" (1).  Here is an excerpt as an example, where God provided food for his people wandering in the desert:

Some wandered in desert wastelands,
    finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty,
    and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
    to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
9 for he satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things. (4-6)

Today I was prompted to write my own Psalm 107.  There are so many good things for which to praise God in this week alone, and the psalmist does say "Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story" (2).  So I will tell a few of the stories of God's goodness to my family.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;

His love endures forever.

When a baby was about to be born, 

we were worried about how to care for the baby,

without family nearby to help.

We prayed to God for guidance and help,

and God provided for us, 

through the generosity of friends and neighbors,

through delicious meals brought to us,

through healthcare,

through encouragement from many,

and visits from grandparents.

When Brad's studies were finished, 

we were unsure of the path ahead.

We lifted our prayers to the Lord,

and He provided a job,

provision for our family,

and a fellowship to cover costs,

before the visa allowed Brad to work.

But God's goodness is expressed,

not just in the grand stories but in little everyday moments.

I can see God's goodness in the amazing, tiny ants,

that my one-year-old points out to me.

I can feel God's goodness in the rain,

when it quenches our thirst in the desert.

I can taste God's goodness in a bowl of yogurt,

providing energy and fuel.

"Let the one who is wise heed these things

and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord" (43)

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We Need Each Other to Be Who God Wants Us to Be

Today's reflection in Our Daily Bread started with the simple question, "Did you know that we need each other in order to be who God wants us to be?"  For most of us, the answer to this question would be 'yes'.  We've heard this before- something about parts of the body- but do we really 'know' this?  That is do we live in a way that this is true in our lives?

1 Corinthians 12:18-27 reminds us that we are all members of the body, and each part needs the other parts.  And I have to admit that just recently I have come to realize that this 'all' is more expansive than I thought.

¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Yes, once again, it was 5 week old Belle that taught me this lesson.  We tend to think of newborns as needing but not being needed.  But I remember a recent appointment with my midwife Sandy.  I was remarking how hard it had been to continue breastfeeding when I had a fever and was feeling so weak.  I said, "But she needs to eat."  Sandy responded, "Yes, she needs to eat.  But you also need her to nurse, to keep you from getting a bad infection."  In a very real, physical sense, I need this little baby to keep me healthy.  In addition, she's helping to contract my uterus.  Who could imagine that a 5-week old could have such important jobs related to keeping her mommy healthy?  And that's only the physical part of it.

Today when I heard that question, "Did you know that we need each other in order to be who God wants us to be?" struck me... because who God wants me to be right now has changed.  For the past 5 weeks, in addition to other things, God now wants me to be a good Christian mother... and yes, Belle would be absolutely an essential part of that.  God is teaching me greater patience and selflessness and love with every cry, tear, diaper, midnight wake-up, bathtime and almost smile from my little girl.  I need her to become who God wants me to be.

Who is it for you?  Perhaps there is someone small or unexpected that God has put in your life, someone that you need in order to become who God wants you to be.

Praising God in the Trials- Part 2 - Example from David Psalm 109

In yesterday's reflection, I looked at a psalm of David filled with praise and remarked that David praised God even during difficult times, when he was being chased by King Saul... however I think it was a bit unfair that I didn't cite a psalm recounting one of those more difficult moments.  So today let's look at a psalm of a different tune- Psalm 109, one which is often more difficult (especially for pacifists) to read through, and try to understand how David is using this psalm and where his praise is.

According to Matthew Henry's commentary, it is unknown at what particular point of trouble David wrote this psalm (being chased by King Saul, trouble with Absalom, etc), but the trouble is quite clear even from the opening first 5 verses.

My God, whom I praise, 
    do not remain silent, 
² for people who are wicked and deceitful 
    have opened their mouths against me;
    they have spoken against me with lying tongues. 
³ With words of hatred they surround me;
    they attack me without cause. 
⁴ In return for my friendship they accuse me,
    but I am a man of prayer. 
⁵ They repay me evil for good, 
    and hatred for my friendship. (Psalm 109:1-5)


David opens with 'My God whom I praise' which is remarkable in itself in such a time of difficulty as this psalm would suggest David is facing.  Then in the next verses, he recounts the sins that his enemies have committed, which as sinful against God.  In verse 4, despite all of this and all his difficulties, he commits himself to prayer.


The next verses are the ones that are the most difficult to take, and commentary suggests that they refer mostly to one specific enemy and all that he has done, especially what he has done against David.

Appoint someone evil to oppose my enemy;
    let an accuser stand at his right hand.
⁷ When he is tried, let him be found guilty, 
    and may his prayers condemn him.
⁸ May his days be few; 
    may another take his place of leadership.
⁹ May his children be fatherless
    and his wife a widow. 
¹⁰ May his children be wandering beggars; 
    may they be driven^[a] from their ruined homes.
¹¹ May a creditor seize all he has;
    may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. 
¹² May no one extend kindness to him
    or take pity on his fatherless children.
¹³ May his descendants be cut off, 
    their names blotted out from the next generation.
¹⁴ May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord;
    may the sin of his mother never be blotted out.
¹⁵ May their sins always remain before the Lord,
    that he may blot out their name from the earth.

¹⁶ For he never thought of doing a kindness,
    but hounded to death the poor
    and the needy and the brokenhearted. 
¹⁷ He loved to pronounce a curse—
    may it come back on him. 
He found no pleasure in blessing—
    may it be far from him.
¹⁸ He wore cursing as his garment;
    it entered into his body like water, 
    into his bones like oil.
¹⁹ May it be like a cloak wrapped about him,
    like a belt tied forever around him.
²⁰ May this be the Lord’s payment to my accusers,
    to those who speak evil of me.

After describing his troubles with this enemy, David remarks about his own needy state, which must've put him in a position from which he could be more easily harmed by these enemies.  He was poor and needy, unsettled (shaken like a locust), and weak... perhaps from fasting (although this may not have been planned and may be merely situational lack of food).

But you, Sovereign Lord,
    help me for your name’s sake; 
    out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. 
²² For I am poor and needy,
    and my heart is wounded within me.
²³ I fade away like an evening shadow; 
    I am shaken off like a locust.
²⁴ My knees give way from fasting; 
    my body is thin and gaunt. 
²⁵ I am an object of scorn to my accusers;
    when they see me, they shake their heads.


Finally, David calls out to God for help and praises God once again, remarking that he will continue to praise God... not only in secret but 'in the great throng of worshipers'.  And he asks God who is a God that stands by the needy to stand by him in his time of trouble.

Help me, Lord my God;
    save me according to your unfailing love.
²⁷ Let them know that it is your hand,
    that you, Lord, have done it.
²⁸ While they curse, may you bless;
    may those who attack me be put to shame,
    but may your servant rejoice. 
²⁹ May my accusers be clothed with disgrace
    and wrapped in shame as in a cloak.

³⁰ With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord;
    in the great throng of worshipers I will praise him.
³¹ For he stands at the right hand of the needy,
    to save their lives from those who would condemn them.

I don't know if it helps everyone, but after reading through the entire psalm, understanding its different parts, and remembering the situation in which David finds himself, it helps me to understand what otherwise seems a very harsh psalm wishing evil on David's enemies.  Yes, that does exist... but it helps to remember the very difficult circumstances in which David finds himself.  To me, it is David describing the evils he sees and the injustice, asking God to stretch out his hand and extend justice.  

And even in such difficult times, we can clearly see David praising God for who He is- for His mercy, unfailing love, standing for the needy.  And we can see David committing himself to prayer.

A Cure for Conflict

Brad and I have gone about preparing for the arrival of our new little baby girl in many ways; the very last way being nursery decorating.  (This has been fun, but has earned it's rightful place at the bottom of the to-do list.)


Since we've found out we're pregnant, we began some of the more important preparations- those which are often given very little attention.  So since October, we've been reading through a book entitled "Becoming parents: Strengthening your marriage as your family grows".  Such an extreme (and sudden!) change as becoming parents (24/7) overnight can be a challenge not only individually, but also a challenge to a married couple.  This book has helped us review important strategies for dealing with conflict- strategies both for talking about conflict effectively (like the speaker-listener approach), things to avoid (escalation, projection) and problem solving together (brainstorming, creating a plan, trying it out).  


However, importantly, this book doesn't pretend that after reading it you'll never have difficulties or marital conflict with a new baby.  Instead, it provides some helpful tools for dealing with conflict.


Whether it's a new baby in the family, a meeting a church, or problems at the workplace, so often we look for a 'cure for conflict'.  Sometimes conflict is purposeful and helpful, when dealt with productively.  But 2 Timothy gives us some guidelines:


²³ Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. ²⁴ And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. ²⁵ Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth... (2 Timothy 2:23-24)


We are instructed first to avoid foolish conflict.  For instance, sometimes conflict may come out of frustration, exhaustion, sadness.  In such instances, it's important to wait until you are able to deal with conflict in a healthy way.  And verses 24-25 remind us to be gentle, patient and humble when dealing with conflict.


I believe that the key to a healthy marriage, friendship, church, etc, is not avoiding conflict but learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way.  It is in this way that we 'make peace', remembering 'the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace' (James 3:18).